I am winding up for some down (holiday) time, so a distinct lack of blogging. But here is the next post of welcoming. We are thinking about how we can welcome new people into our community: this time looking at the first time you come to our church building. Comments welcome, even appreciated! Once again this post has been written by Neil Duguid.
OK. You’ve never been before, but your friend persuaded you … great music, doughnuts … and now you find yourself walking up the steps. Your friend is somewhere inside, and your only thought is to find that welcome face.
The steward gives you a sheet of paper (you wonder what that is, but the print is a bit small and grey) but didn’t actually break off from talking to someone else to make you welcome. Where do I go now? It’s like visiting an unfamiliar multiplex … which door do I go through to find my friend? But no one notices your uncertainty.
You wander through the door which most other people are using (always a good sign), and are in the main auditorium. But you can’t see your friend … can’t see the doughnuts … the band is still soundchecking … and after a few minutes you begin to wonder if the rest of the audience, who are mostly standing around and chatting, can’t see you either. Have you worn your invisibility cloak? You give your friend two minutes to find you, otherwise you’ll be offski.
Practical hint – if you are bringing someone new, arrange to meet them at a rendezvous point on their route and come in with them, it’s like being able to use that VIP channel at airport security. The one person that they already know is their passport to a whole new group of friends.
But the challenge is … why didn’t we notice that new person who had just arrived for the first time. And, equally, do we notice the established member who looked a bit out of it.
The way Rick Warren puts the challenge is - how can I start treating other people at church like my own family?
How can we help people make newcomers feel at home? Literally! Perhaps a simple listening skills course would help, aimed at working through the "Hi, I’m Tom" scenario, helping people to offer friendship and to open doors. How many of us have "the ability to build relationships"? What does it depend on?
Here’s Donald Miller from Blue like Jazz (Chapter 18):
Here is something very simple about relationships … : Nobody will listen to you unless they sense that you like them.
If a person senses that you do not like them, that you do not approve of their existence, then your religion and your political ideas will all seem wrong to them. If they sense that you like them, then they are open to what you have to say …
When I am talking to somebody there are always two conversations going on. The first is on the surface; it is about politics or music or whatever our mouths are saying. The other is beneath the surface, on the level of the heart, and my heart is either communicating that I like the person I am talking to or I don’t. God wants both conversations to be true. That is, we are supposed to speak truth in love … if you talk to somebody with your mouth, and your heart does not love them, you are like a person standing there smashing two cymbals together. You are only annoying everybody around you …
Now … when I go to meet somebody, I pray that God will help me feel His love for them. I ask God to make it so both conversations, the one from the mouth and the one from the heart, are true.
Fantastic post - we were discussing this in our small group and decided to set ourselves the “challenge” of speaking to at least one new person each this Sunday.
Having thought about it more should this even be a challenge!? Why is this not in our DNA as those who love Jesus?
hi guys
very encouraged to read all about this. it occurs to me that if we try to make hospitality/warmth an integral part of the whole of our church life, then any new people will be drawn into fellowwhip much more easily - rather than, trying extra hard for the new people…
otherwise, great job guys.
Hi - glad to see that this topic is alive and well. Suggest for Biblical insight, Colossians 4.6a - the Good News Bible says “Your speeach should always be pleasant and interesting”. The first rule of making interesting conversation is, BE INTERESTED. You don’t have to be a great or informed or intellectual conversationalist to be an interesting one. Just be interested in what the other person is saying and be interested in them.
Agree very much with Kate’s comment too.
I really should get round to reading that Donald Miller book!
I am coming to realise that the genuine openess and friendlyness of the assembly of people in a “church meeting” will probably do more for the sake of the gospel and the Kingdom than anything else that happens that morning. Perhaps an over statement, but I think the challenge is to have both an open community and a tight community. The trouble is, they can often be mutually exclusive.
What do I mean? For example, some churches emphasis welcoming etc, and everyone has a big smile and is very friendly to newcomers. But beyond that veneer, often community can be quite shallow. So you might feel very welcome the first week or so, but after the first month or so, after you are no longer “new”, perhaps all you can see is multiple cliques of friends.
Alternatively, some churches have a great community once you are in, but are poor at actually welcoming the newcomer.
So there are at least two dimensions to welcoming:
- What’s it like to get in?
- What’s it like once you’re in?
Given how many commandments (yes, commandments) the NT has on hospitality, fellowship, loving one another, etc, if we took this seriously we should probably make it an issue of church discipline for those that persistently ignored others. Yet for some reason I am not aware of any church that takes this that seriously. Probably because the elders would have to fire themselves…
Personally, I believe that if someone new came comes to a worship meeting and leaves without being invited to someone’s house for dinner, a movie, or a to go out for a coffee, we have failed. We should set our standards at least that high.
Actually, I think the reason Western churches fail in this area is because we do not take seriously the teaching of the NT that the church is our family, a tradition that started with teaching and life of Jesus, and continued through Paul’s era and beyond. Do we look upon newcomers and strangers as potential members of our own family, and welcome them with that attitude?
Well done, CCE, for looking at this important issue. I hope it continues to gather momentum and support.